Temperament and Holiness

Book 1, Chapter 14 of the Imitation of Mary is titled, "The Humble Soul Tries to Conceal from Men Its True Value in God's Eyes." The primary message of the chapter is that when a soul receives favors from God, he should keep these favors to himself, except to share them with his spiritual director. De Rouville says, "The Spirit of God communicates Himself in secret and desires that whatever goes on between Himself and the beloved soul should remain secret" (57). He cautions against the soul becoming attached to these favors at the expense of attachment to God alone and says that such attachment can lead the soul to to seek admiration from men who "should never have come to know of these favors" (58). He goes on to say, "If such men had had the interior disposition of the Blessed Virgin, that is, her spirit of humility, God would constantly have enlightened them, inspired a distrust of self, and taught them to see the tricks that self-love plays" (58).

De Rouville's admonition calls to mind St. John of the Cross' repeated warnings against the soul seeking out or becoming attached to revelations thought to come from God. St. John's warnings are so prevalent that I only had to look for a minute or two in his book The Ascent of Mt. Carmel, which is so long and so packed with information that I've been reading it for about 8 months, to find an example. In Book Two, Chapter 21 of The Ascent, St. John says, "God is rightly angered with anyone who [dwells on His favors], for He sees the rashness of exposing oneself to . . . presumption, curiosity, and pride, to the root and foundation of vainglory, to contempt for the things of God, and to the beginning of the numerous evils into which many fall."

It's pretty apparent, even to someone like me who can be a little dense, that it's dangerous to fixate on or blab about spiritual favors. We should be recollected and resigned, humble and meek, slow to talk, pondering things in our hearts like the Blessed Mother did.

In other words, if we want to be holy, we'd better be introverts.

I'm kidding, of course. Well, sort of kidding. In the book The Temperament God Gave You, which I cannot recommend highly enough, Art and Laraine Bennett define and explain the four temperaments and help the reader to identify which temperament or temperaments are dominant in them and how these temperaments effect their thoughts, actions, spiritual life, relationships, and way of seeing the world. (And so much more. It's a really great book and you should read the whole thing and not rely on my incomplete summary.) I want to share some of the traits associated with each of the four temperaments and then go back to my somewhat tongue-in-cheek statement above.

Extraverted Temperaments

1. Choleric - quick to react, forthright, eager to express himself, loves debate, argumentative, interruptive

2. Sanguine - life of the party, talkative, frank, sociable, can be superficial, prone to vanity, social butterfly

Introverted Temperaments

1. Melancholic - thoughtful, spiritual, likes to be alone, introspective, self-sacrificing, sensitive

2. Phlegmatic - quiet, diplomatic, peaceful, sensitive to others, dutiful, peace-maker, patient, tolerant

Now, I admit that I've cherry-picked the above traits from long lists and it's important to point out that each temperament has its strengths and weaknesses. I also know that it's reductive to say that we are our temperaments. People are so much greater than their temperaments and, of course, we have free will and God's grace to keep us from becoming enslaved to our personality defects. But temperament does relate to a person's basic tendencies and I think it's fair to say that overcoming these tendencies requires hard work and conscious effort. If you're extraverted, you're not going to wake up one day and be quiet, thoughtful, and introspective. You're going to have to break a sweat, spiritually, to develop those traits. If you'd like a clue to my temperament, let me just share a verse from the Psalms that has, once or twice, been assigned to me for a penance: "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord, keep watch over the door of my lips!" (Ps 141:3). I'm sure you can figure out from this verse whether I'm an extravert or an introvert and, therefore, which traits from the lists above best describe me.

So, I ask again, if the Blessed Mother is the model creature, which I know she is, and if the traits that are typically associated with her tend to be those common to introverts, what's an obnoxious extravert like me to do? If an important part of growing in humility (and thus holiness) is keeping one's mouth shut, and I've been given a mouth with no off-switch and no filter, am I doomed? Can I ever hope to have the interior disposition of the Blessed Mother when my basic disposition is so . . . exterior?

To say that this issue has come up occasionally with my confessor would be an understatement (but I don't want to tell you too much about what we talk about because I don't want to blab and I want to ponder these things in my heart, even though I really do want to tell you - really, really badly. But I'm not going to. I'm just going to shut up now.) Of all of my many defects and failings, this has to be the one that causes the most difficulty for me and, probably, those around me. I don't want to get discouraged, but it's hard not to. I look at the introverts I know and think, "It's easy for you to be holy." I know that's not true and that everyone has struggles and failings, but it's a temptation for me to believe that imitation of Mary and holiness is just easier for introverts than it is for extraverts.

So, if discouragement isn't option, then what to do? I haven't cracked the code on this completely, but I do have some strategies. First of all, spend a lot of time on my knees in prayer, especially in Adoration. Next, ask the Blessed Mother to show me how to develop these traits that she possesses in a superlative way. Also, never shy away from confessing the many, many times that I fail in this regard. And avoid near-occasions of sin like talking on the phone too much or letting a couple of beers make my tongue even looser than it normally is. Finally, believe that God is pleased just by my earnest desire to grow in my imitation of His mother, whether or not I ever achieve this imitation perfectly.

It's the last one that gives me hope and makes me want to keep trying, with God's help, to become more like Mary and more the person He created me to be. I know that He'll bless my efforts even as the people around me are shaking their heads and thinking, "Doesn't she ever shut up?" And for this patient, fatherly love and understanding, I give thanks to God!