On Mustard Seeds, Yeast, and Obscure Apostles

Last week provided me with yet another reminder of how small my sphere of influence is. When the flu struck our family, we simply withdrew for a week. No school, no extra-curricular activities, no nothing. What struck me is that it was so easy for me to do this. The thing is, I’m a wife and a mother of four young sons, and I stay home with my kids full-time. When I decided that we needed to hunker down and let this virus run its course, I didn’t have to report to anyone. Now, my kids needed to be called in sick to school, but as for me, I just did what I usually do - stayed home. My absence from whatever I might have done in a normal week didn’t really affect anyone. I realized, not for the first time, that my whereabouts really only matter to the five people who live here with me. I don’t run a business, or even work for one. I don’t hold elected office. I'm nobody's "go-to girl." When you Google me, all that comes up are the few times that my name has appeared in our parish bulletin. As the song goes, it’s a small, small world.

The problems of the world, by contrast, are big – very big. There’s abortion. There’s poverty. There’s war. There’s pandemic flu. And that’s just the short list. Most days, I’m so caught up in my tiny little world that I don’t really think about these big problems. But every once in a while I start to think about them and I feel overwhelmed. I feel like there’s nothing I can do, given my limited sphere of influence, about these big problems - problems which do, after all, affect me and the people I love. On my worst days I feel paralyzed, and fearful.

But then I remember Pope John Paul II addressing the world early in his pontificate with the words, “Be not afraid!” and I ask myself, how can I not be afraid? How, Lord, can I be brave when I’m so small and these problems are so big?

This past week, the Church seemed to be telling me that the answer to my question is, "Mustard seeds, yeast, and obscure apostles." Let me explain.

First, consider the Gospel reading from Tuesday’s Mass:

“Jesus said, ‘What is the Kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that a man took and planted in the garden. When it was fully grown, it became a large bush and the birds of the sky dwelt in its branches.’

Again he said, ‘To what shall I compare the Kingdom of God? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of wheat flour until the whole batch of dough was leavened’” (Luke 13:18-21).

Then on Wednesday, we celebrated the Feast of Sts. Simon and Jude – two apostles about whom little is known. Even for having had the distinction of being among only 12 men chosen by Christ to be His closest companions, they are small when compared to other, better-known apostles like Peter, James the Greater, and John.

So what can someone like me - someone who is small and, in the opinion of the world, insignificant – take from this reading and this feast day? What I took from them is that God can use the small and the insignificant to effect great change. A tiny seed can grow to be a great bush. A small amount of yeast can change completely the dough it’s mixed with. Two little-known apostles can spread the Gospel, become great saints, and spend eternity interceding for the faithful before God.

But it’s not just about being small. It’s also about being obedient to God’s will. The mustard seed and the yeast always obey God's will perfectly. They can’t do anything but because they lack free will. The apostles, on the other hand, were human beings like me. They had faults and sinful tendencies. They had temptations. And they had wills that were warped by original sin and must have sometimes fought against submission to God’s will. But they were chosen by Christ to follow Him, and they accepted His call. They followed Him all the way to martyrdom and into Heaven.

What I learned last week is that I shouldn’t desire to be great in the eyes of the world. I should desire to be great in my conformity to God’s will and let Him decide how my conformity will be used for the salvation of souls. But how do I do it? How can I, despite my faults, my sinful tendencies, my warped will, become so conformed to God’s will that I can be used by Him? The key, according to many of the great spiritual masters of the Church, is the Blessed Virgin Mary. Who was smaller and more obscure than this young girl from a tiny town in the middle of nowhere? And yet, who was more conformed to God’s will than the woman who became His mother? What can Mary teach me on those days when I feel so small, so insignificant, and so overwhelmed by the big problems in the world? Mary teaches me to do God’s will right now, today. Take care of my husband and my children. Take care of our home. Pray and fast and obey God’s laws. Believe that God can take the mustard seed of one Rosary offered in love and use it to change hearts. Trust that He can take the leaven of one small sacrifice and use it to save souls. Be available to God, and when He asks me to do something, say yes.

I’m a long, long way from being able to do any of these things to the degree that Mary did them. But I feel a sense of hope when I realize that no one is too small for God to use, if they seek to do His will. Last week, I learned that I need to continue to ask the Blessed Mother to take my hand and teach me how to be more like her so that even in my obscurity I will be available to God to do His holy will.