I use my diaper bag to carry almost everything - including the items at the store when I don't want (to deal with) a grocery basket. I'm not sure what the checkout lady must think when I start unloading stuff from my bag!?
Recently, a friend offered to give me a few grains of wheat for a liturgical project. Where did they go? Into the diaper bag of course! I promptly removed them from my bag when I got home, planning to work on my project later. I had however, missed one of the grains.
As I continued to use my diaper bag for whatever outings we went on, this grain of wheat gradually broke and disintegrated in the outside pocket of my bag. I finally realized what was going on and knew I needed to clean out the bag, but I conveniently continued to avoid doing so. Eventually, things came to such a head that it was necessary to clean it out if I wanted to avoid getting pricked and poked by these tiny wheat needles. As I sat there doing this, one of my weaknesses became very apparent to me.
I get frustrated all the time at little things.
When I drop something, I get frustrated. When I bump myself, I get frustrated. When I misplace something, I get frustrated. There is a book called Practising the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I've never read it, but that phrase has always intrigued me. I realized in the moment of cleaning up the wheat (when I needed to move slowly and deliberately to avoid getting hurt) that when I let that frustration fester inside of me, I am not practising the presence of God. I'm great at not swearing (aloud) but my internal emotion could best be defined by a word said with great emphasis: errrRAH! or D***. Practising the presence of God would look something like this I suppose: I drop something, and I (in a PEACEFUL-FRAME-OF-MIND) pick it up. Something didn't go wrong; it just didn't go the way I wanted, i.e. perfect. Where this weakness really gets to me is when enough of these small instances occur, and I start feeling frustrated with my husband. He hasn't done anything wrong, he just didn't do ___ the way I wanted. And all of a sudden, it's time to go to Confession!
But it all started with the small little things. How do I get to the PEACEFUL state of mind? Calling on the most powerful name of all, Jesus. And what about after I've blown it already, and I just wanna wallow in my frustration and pity myself?? Well, the thought pops into my mind, "my mother wouldn't like this; okay Mary, I really need some help. I can't get out by myself."
"She will come to your aid. What mother doesn't have compassion for her children? As the mother of the one who had the greatest compassion on all of us, hers is by exension, as encompassing as Christ's."
So the moral of the story is: don't ever, ever put wheat in your diaper bag!
3 comments:
A great reminder that just because something doesn't go our way, we need to get all bent out of shape. Perhaps it's a test to see if we're accepting of God's will in all circumstances or not!
Moira, I loved this story. It's such a great reminder that we're so much better off when we slow down and take things in stride. (Not that I'm very good at that either!) Practicing the presence of God - that's a lifetime project, isn't it? :)
Lovely story, Moira! This seems to dovetail with St. Therese and her Little Way. I would have to start with the absolute smallest, simplest things and offer them up to God to effectively begin practicing the Presence of God.
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