The Imitation of Mary - Book 1, Chapter 8

This chapter is titled, "Choice of a State in Life." When I first started reading the chapter, full of wisdom about the way that a Christian should discern his vocation, I thought, "Oh well, a little late for me. My state in life is pretty well determined now, seeing that I've been married for 15 years and have four kids." But as I read, I realized that the wisdom contained in this chapter is important for me as a mother if I'm to help my sons discern God's plan for them.

My husband and I take this responsibility pretty seriously. From the time our boys are young, we present the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question as, "What do you think God wants you to be when you grow up?" We talk to them about the fact that God gave them special gifts and talents and that their lives will be happiest if they discover how God wants them to use these gifts and talents for the building up of His Church and society. We present the priesthood and religious life along with other possible "career" options. We explain that God calls most people to be married, but that He calls some to live their lives completely for Him. And we explain that following God's plan for them will not be impossible because God always gives us the grace we need to do His will. Most importantly, we pray that our kids will be able to hear God's call for them, and we pray for their future wives or vocation directors.

I will risk pulling a muscle as I pat myself on the back and say that we've done, I think, a pretty good job of communicating the message to our young sons. They talk about the priesthood as a real possibility and they seem to understand that life isn't just about getting a job and making money. For example, about a year ago, my 12- and 10-year old sons were teasing their 5-year old brother by saying that he was going to marry a girl at their school. His response, expressed loudly and firmly, was, "No, I'm NOT going to get mawwied. I'm going to be a pweist! I'm going to be mawwied to the Church!"

So, I have to say that I've felt like we've pretty much got this whole vocation discernment thing under control.

But as so often happens when engaging in spiritual reading, my complacency and laurel-resting was disturbed while reading this chapter. The writer talks about Mary as a model of discernment in her simplicity, her silence, and her unity with God's will. He then gives practical advice for discerning God's will:

"Pray to the Lord, therefore, and consult Him if you are deciding on a state in life." Sounds like good advice to me. Next he says:

". . . consult those who on earth are His representatives." Also good advice, and something I think even good Christians fail to consider. Now comes the jolt:

"Consult your parents only insofar as duty may require this. For it is always to be feared that they may give their children advice inspired by the principles of the world."

Ouch. That's definitely something to think about as a parent. Do I really want my kids to follow God's call, where ever it may lead them? It's easy for me to say that I do when they're young and still under our authority. And it's easy to say that I do when I consider the possibilities in an abstract way: marriage, priesthood, religious life. No problem, right?

But what if God is calling one of my sons to marry a woman who has a mental illness? Do I want him to obey God's call then? Or what if God is calling one of my sons to be a missionary priest in a dangerous foreign land? Do I still want him to obey? What if one of my sons is called to live as a single layman? Will I encourage his obedience, or will I badger him to find a wife and produce some grandchildren? How about if one of my sons is called, in imitation of Christ, to give up his life for God and His Church? Will I imitate Mary and help him to obey that call? Or will I try to persuade him to ignore God and save his life? I don't know, to tell you the truth. So I can see the wisdom in the warning offered by the writer. I'll never be able to look at my boys with detachment. It's just not in me as a mother. My husband would probably be better at it than I am, but he's never going to be completely objective about our kids either. They'll need to be able to consult with people who will see them as the men they are becoming, and not as the little boys that they will always be, at least in some ways, to me. They'll need to have the freedom to discern their vocation without constantly thinking, "Is this what my parents want me to do?" Because the heart of discernment is asking, "Is this what God wants me to do?" And discernment is personal, between the soul and God. Even well-meaning parents run the risk of placing obstacles between their children and God if they're not careful. So, I guess maybe this chapter does have a thing or two to say to me on this topic after all.

The final piece of advice given in Chapter 8 is one that I love because it just gets right to the point of it all:

"Finally, consult death, as it were. That is, make the choice you will wish you had made as your life is drawing to an end."

Our vocation here on earth is not the be-all and end-all of our existence. Like everything else in this life, it points to eternity. Vocation discernment is summed up by the answer in the old catechism to the question, "Why did God make me?" "God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this life and to be happy with Him forever in the next." I pray that I'll be able to get out of the way and give my sons the space they need to answer God's call so that they will indeed be happy with God forever in eternity.